Messy gratitude
It’s gratitude season. A season that I have resisted in years past because, admittedly, I haven’t always felt very grateful when the calendar has mandated it of me. But this year is different. This year I am bursting with gratitude, and I’m choosing to lean into it because I know this feeling is not guaranteed, and I refuse to force it.
But I’m also going to allow this gratitude to be a bit messy because I am running on fumes. As I write this I am sitting in the back of an Uber, heading to another event after finishing an interview for a friend’s documentary and taking a 30-minute power nap. I am doing the things! I am doing ALL the things! And how wonderful is that? How lucky am I? Seriously?!
Messy gratitude means that as exciting as all of the events have been - and I AM SO GRATEFUL to everyone who has come out, or bought the book and messaged me about it, or left a review, or shown support in another way - I am also ready for some quieter family time. Or rather, some family time because quiet and family don’t necessarily go together in our house.
It means being grateful for this exhaustion because I now understand that it is a gift to put my body through something like this. A gift I took for granted before my cancer diagnosis earlier this year when I was forced to face that my body was not indestructible.
It has been one my least favorite lessons to learn.
I feel a less messy, more direct, gratitude toward the many people that helped make this dream of a book tour possible. From my relentless publicist, to my publisher and agent. But also the bookstores and the venues who so graciously opened their doors to us. And the many friends who made connections for new opportunities along the way.
I am wildly grateful to Miguel for agreeing to go on this book tour adventure with me. For not just verbally supporting my career, but doing so with an eagerness that never made me feel like I was asking too much of him. The days have been long and yet from a distance he has still managed our batting cages and prepared for his own performances and keynotes. Also, after all this time together, somehow we didn’t kill each other and I feel like that deserves an immense amount of gratitude as well.
However, I am reserving the most thanks for my Aunt Wendy who has kept our kids feeling safe and secure in our absence. It is no small task to walk into someone else’s life and take care of a family for several weeks. Yet, that is exactly what she has done through all the extracurricular activities, big feelings, and even Anessa getting the flu.
Amidst all this (unforced) gratitude I am eagerly looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving… in sweatpants. Our Thanksgiving morning tradition consists of watching the parade (specifically the Broadway performances) while eating some delicious baked good (that I didn’t bake) and drinking coffee and mimosas (lite on the OJ). In my opinion, it doesn’t get better.
Being on the road gives me the opportunity to focus on my career without having to worry about laundry or whats for dinner. Being able to have a (mostly) one track mind - is a gift. However, after being in professional mode these last few weeks, I am ready to embrace the return to mom mode. Or at least, once again navigate the duality of mom and career woman. And I think my kids, Miguel, and my incredible Aunt Wendy are ready for this return as well.
San Francisco - you are my last stop tomorrow and I cannot wait to see you. Everyone else - Happy Thanksgiving. May your gratitude come easily even if it is also a bit messy.
ID: Kelly looking towards the ceiling, sitting in a white chair in a book store. A pop-up banner with her book cover is displayed next to her and her books are on blue shelves displayed behind her.
