All tagged Mental health
I don’t do boring and avoid it at all costs. I’m not an adrenaline junky by any means but I do crave an exciting life. If I look at a calendar and see too many days that look the same, I get itchy. That is one of the reasons I think Miguel and I work so well together: he keeps life exciting by simply existing and I make sure we don’t forget our toothbrushes.
Logically, I know that our bodies hold on to grief. I’ve read about it in various books, researched it for my own, as well as had personal experiences. However, my knowledge revolved around episodic symptoms. What I didn’t understand were the long-term effects.
One of my favorite things about writing this blog is continuously being reminded how many of us are struggling with the exact same things. While I never want other people to struggle it is comforting to know that we have shared demons. Kind of like how Anessa and her friends share a love of the color purple, unicorns, and a difficulty transitioning from one activity to the next. We share anxiety, trauma, and crippling ambition. Same-same.
Normal Broken has been out in the world for three months. In the beginning, I was motivated to get the word out because, holy hell, I wrote a book! It was celebratory and exciting. Lately, though, it’s felt like one of those dreams where you are trying to run but your legs aren’t working and everyone and their grandmother is passing you but your feet just won’t go any faster. On that note, who could use a little Friday morning pep talk?
It doesn’t matter whether my schedule is packed or not, when I take time for myself: watching TV, reading a book, or taking a nap, I inevitably feel guilty. The to-do list is long and it is not going to take care of itself. #AmIRight? But then I made a remarkable, yet simple discovery about my to-do list which allowed me to change the way I think about my guilty pleasures.
With just a little more than four months until Normal Broken hits book shelves and mailboxes, marketing, aka the hustle, is revving up and my self-doubt and anxiety are tagging along for the ride. Self-promotion is sooo awkward, but why? Why does it feel so weird to tell people that I wrote a book, that I hope they buy it and to please tell others about it. My emotional over-analyzation has broken it down to two main factors:
I have long struggled with feelings of guilt. Give me a scenario, interaction or circumstance and I can usually find something that I said or did to feel bad about. I even feel guilt for feeling guilty. How effed up is that? It’s like a crazy guilt loop that I can’t escape. While the sources of my guilt spirals are immeasurable I have recently isolated one that I hope to use as an exit ramp… and ideally in time to teach these lessons to my emotional mini-me.
Welp, that springtime induced calm and happiness lasted a whole week before the storm clouds rolled in hot and heavy. By Monday morning I was answering for that week of fair weather motivated procrastination. Seriously, how does one family produce so much laundry? And why does sending my children to school result in me having to read and respond to a bajillion emails per week concerning said school?
It’s hard to not be in a good mood during those first warm days of spring, when the sky is clear, the flowers are blooming, and the trees start to bud. I feel (self-imposed) pressure to maintain a state of happiness like it’s an achievement to be unlocked in a video game. But what I am coming to understand is that life, our emotions, our state of mind is always going to be in flux. That pure unfiltered joy is not the status quo - and that's not only ok it is healthy and normal.
For those of us well-versed in epilepsy, the connection between seizures and their psychological effects is a no-brainer (pun intended). However, the lack of available providers and treatments is all at once infuriating and devastating. This is a topic that comes up all too often during my interviews for CURE Epilepsy’s Seizing Life podcast. It is also one that this week’s guest blogger, Yarrow Rubin beautifully describes in a powerful essay.
I did it! I had my author headshot photo shoot this week and I didn’t even need to take any Xanax to get through it. My friend and make-up artist Kat assured me it would be like riding a bike and she was right - by the end I was even having fun. From where I sit now it’s hard to believe that I used to have my picture taken for a living, which got me thinking about 25 year old Kelly and what she would think of my life now.
Every three years or so Miguel and I have taken a just-us/no-kids vacation. We cherish this time together where we get to be just us, as a couple, away from the exhaustion of regular life. Last week, in Mexico with Miguel I found a certain stillness, a peace and acceptance of this incredible life I’ve been gifted. Reentry into our typical life though has not been nearly as smooth or successful.
