Somewhere in Middle America

The weather is warm and the kids are finally out of school – it must be summer! We kicked off the season by visiting my brother and his family in Omaha and taking in a College World Series baseball game. After three days, I left the Midwest with my heart full to bursting and already planning our return trip the following year.

While I grew up in Omaha, since my parents retired to North Carolina, I have not exactly made a point to return each year. As Nebraska’s tourism slogan states, “Honestly, it’s not for everyone,” and I’ve generally agreed. It was a great place to grow up and then I was ready to branch out. Even after my brother Cameron moved back to the Great Plains, my visits to my hometown have been sporadic at best.

But then he and his wife, Danielle, had a baby and my calculus changed*.

*To Cam and Danielle, I love you guys immensely, but have you met your daughter? She is everything.

I haven’t lived near my immediate family for the entirety of my adult life. This is a fact I took pride in as a 20-something. I was on my own, living independently, and without the safety net of my childhood bedroom. As a grown-ass adult with children of my own, I feel differently. I wish we lived closer. And not just so we could take advantage of free babysitting.

With us in New Jersey, my parents in North Carolina, Miguel’s family in Texas, and my brother in Nebraska – it typically takes a flight to make any visit happen. Doable, but certainly not convenient… or inexpensive. We most often see our families around holidays or major life events, which is lovely but also a smidge chaotic. Seeing Cameron, Danielle, and our niece Juliette for a relatively unstructured weekend was rare and wonderful.

There was no sense of urgency and a minimal agenda. We could catch up, reminisce, and make new memories without feeling like we were on the clock. Though easily the best part was watching our kids spend time together.

Jackson and Anessa are on the younger end of their Cervantes cousins on Miguel’s side. They LOVE their older cousins and are always thrilled to spend time with them. Even though it is not as frequently as we all would like.

Juliette is their first cousin on my side of the family – and their first baby cousin. Anessa could have followed one-year-old Juliette around all day long as she crawled around the house. And had Juliette not preferred her mother’s arms, Jackson would never have let go of her.

Obviously, Juliette won’t remember any of this, and frankly, I’m not sure that Anessa will either. But that’s not the point. They are developing family bonds that will last their lifetime, and it is so important to me to foster that. Even from afar.

Years ago, I told Cam and Danielle that the plan was for us all to move to North Carolina so we could raise our families together. Presumptuous of me? Absolutely. But in my defense, I am an eldest daughter. And if not for Cameron getting a promotion he couldn’t turn down, Miguel opening a batting cage business, and Jackson developing lasting friendships in our town after a tough move from Chicago - it might have happened!

Thankfully, I’ve grown accustomed to life not adhering to my plans. I don’t like it and I fight it every time, but eventually I accept the outcome. Still, being with Cam, Danielle, and Juliette this weekend made me long for a world where we could have family dinners, they could cheer on Jackson at his baseball games, and we could watch Juliette when they had a date night.

It is easy when life is busy and family is far away to be lulled into an acceptance of the distance. And while I can’t physically fold the map to bring New Jersey closer to Nebraska, or Texas, or North Carolina – I can prioritize communication and make sure that the next visit is already scheduled and on the calendar.

More than the joy of new memories (and a camera roll of pictures to prove they happened), I am left with overwhelming gratitude. How lucky am I to have a family that I want to spend time with? To know that I will never look back on my life and wish I had spent less time with our family? To have family that is alive, willing, and able to visit with us?

Just another example, I guess, of how I chose the right title for that memoir of mine.

ID: Kelly, Anessa, Cameron, Juliette, Danielle, and Miguel all scrunched together for a selfie and smiling at the camera. A wall with multicolored squares is behind them.