Moving up

It’s been an exciting week over here at Casa de Cervantes. Yesterday, the kids finally finished their 1st and 8th grade years. For Jackson, this included an 8th grade dinner/dance as well as a moving up ceremony. Which means I am officially the parent of a high schooler. Though I can’t fully process that because when I look at him, I still see the cherub-faced kindergartner and not the handsome young teen posing with his girlfriend in our front yard.

Like many people, there is no amount of money you could pay me to go back and relive middle school. I will be interested to hear Jackson’s perspective on the last three years when he is older. From where I watched, his sixth-grade year was a bit of a crash course in social dynamics, but he seemed to soar through the next two years.

At Jackson’s moving up ceremony yesterday, I was struck by how confident most of Jackson’s peers seemed. They were still awkward in their growing bodies, but you got the impression that they knew who they were. I had the general outline of who I was at 14, but had no idea how that girl fit in with my class. I was still changing friend groups like a toddler changes clothes.

But these kids appeared more settled in themselves – or maybe they are just better at masking what they are feeling than I was. Suppressing thoughts and emotions has never been my strength.

Could this be one of the few positives we can credit social media? Allowing kids to accept more of themselves? Especially the parts some people may find cringe. The internet has made the world much smaller, so even if they haven’t found “their people” yet in the flesh, they know from scrolling YouTube that they are out there.

I should also credit our open, diverse, and welcoming community where the parents aren’t forcing their children to conform to made up gender or social standards. It makes a big difference when kids are supported both at home and school to be their true selves. Or are given space and time to figure out who their true selves are.

However, for as diverse as Jackson’s school is – and it incredibly diverse – it was a little disheartening to see over half the girls with the exact same hairstyle (long and parted down the middle) and similar variations of the same spaghetti strapped, short, white dress. Some things don’t change, and for young teen girls the goal remains to fit in, not stand out. And to be fair, they looked much more put together than I did in all of my middle school days combined.

It’s probably all that skincare. I joke. But only kind of.

While parenting teens gets a bad rap – and it certainly presents a whole new set of challenges – it still has its own magic. It is absolutely wild to watch Jackson become a young man before my eyes. From nearly outgrowing us, to his lower voice, to the child-like qualities of his face melting away to show the grown-up angles underneath.

But it’s not all physical. When I can catch him in a moment where he is willing to say more than “yeah,” “no,” or “whatever,” he actually has his own viewpoints and opinions on people, social situations, and life events. He seems to understand which people make him feel good about himself and which to steer clear of – and then he actually steers clear of them. A lesson I could have learned decades before I did.

Jackson still has a lot of growing to do academically, physically, and emotionally. And I know there will be plenty of errors in judgement and calculated mistakes to come. But I am really looking forward to these next four years with him and watching him grow into the adult he will become. I am less looking forward to the part where he leaves me in a house with two impulsive ADHDers who leave a trail of destruction everywhere they go.

But that’s getting ahead of myself. Right now, I’m going to enjoy this version of 14-year-old Jackson who still has a goofy kid side mixed in with the angsty moodiness of a teenager. Who still says yes when I ask him to record fundraising videos and who gives me hugs whenever I ask for them.

ID: Kelly, Jackson, and Miguel standing outside of a brick school buidling. Kelly is kissing Jackson’s cheek and he is scrunching up his face in response. Miguel is smiling at the camera. They are all in dress clothes.