RSVP "yes"

Over the last few years, I have seen an increase in memes and posts celebrating cancelled social plans. It’s the unexpected return of time that we can now fill with nothing. It is the conservation of our energy which so often feels drained. It is swapping an outfit for the comfort of sweatshirts and soft pants. Who doesn’t want all of that? The problem is that in times like these, when our feelings of helplessness are threatening to overtake us – we need community more than ever… and that requires us to RSVP “yes” and stick to it.

Covid taught us to appreciate a lean calendar – it was the re-set so many of us needed. I’m certainly not suggesting we go back to a pre-Covid level of activity, but I do worry that perhaps the pendulum has shifted a bit too far in the opposite direction. Short of citing scientific journals, I think we can all agree that humans benefit from social interaction. There is a reason solitary confinement is used as a form of torture.

The day Alex Pretti was murdered, I had plans to attend a concert benefitting our high school’s music department. That afternoon, feeling the weight of the moment, I couldn’t imagine going out and enjoying myself. The juxtaposition felt crazy. But I went anyway, and as heavy as the day was, it felt good to be around friends. These were people who were also in shock, but for a few hours were putting those feelings aside to support our community. The grief was waiting for me as soon as I got home, but being social, surrounded by neighbors, had provided me with some much needed respite.

Last week I wrote about how I could feel the edges of depression pushing in on me. I typically enjoy being busy, but overwhelmed by the relentless news cycle, I was struggling to motivate myself beyond what was absolutely necessary. This was a problem though because we were having a few friends over for the Super Bowl and then Monday morning I was joining Miguel on his work trip to Vegas.

By the weekend, what became absolutely necessary was making sure our house was clean for guests, my bags were packed, and that everything was ready for our nephew who was watching the kids while we were away. I couldn’t doomscroll or put off doing the laundry any longer. Having plans kept me active and out of depression’s reach. It also gave me something to look forward to.

Eating too many chips, chatting with friends, and feeling a fiery hope while watching Bad Bunny’s performance was soul-filling. Then, Miguel and I were off to relax and spend time together. Well, he had to work a little bit, but I got to relax. I also got to see my high school teacher and coach, Mr. Peterson (who you may remember from Normal Broken and The Luckiest). There are few things that can fill your cup more than spending time with old friends who know and love you.

Look, I’m not the greatest at making social plans, but I am trying to do better. I am also going to do my best to accept invites and then actually attend. Being around friends is energizing and healing. We need all of that we can get. But there is also something to be said for showing up for others. For supporting their performance or fundraiser, for scheduling the coffee meet-up or attending the birthday party. Times like these require us to strengthen our communities, and one very simple way to do that is by RSVPing, “yes”.

Photo ID: Kelly is smiling while leaning over Mr. Peterson’s shoulder who is also smiling. Mr. Peterson is an older man with white hair and glasses wearing a maroon polo shirt.