One at a time
On Saturday, while taking Anessa to a birthday party, the radio station began reporting on the shooting of Alex Pretti. I immediately changed the station to shelter Anessa’s peace as best I could. But after I dropped her off, I sat in the car crying as I bore witness to government-sanctioned murder of an innocent person… again.
Just one day earlier I had posted an essay titled, “We are not helpless”, and here I was forcing my way through Saturday feeling more helpless than ever. That evening, I was messaging with my dear friend and former teacher Mr. Peterson, (who you may remember from Normal Broken or The Luckiest). I told him, “This is a living nightmare. Everything. All of it. I can’t.” His reply was everything I needed to hear and more.
“Well, I think you are the strongest woman that I know, and there is no “I can’t” in your status… A nightmare it may be, but if there is anyone who can master it, it is you. See how much confidence I have in you?”
As soon as I read it, I knew he was right. Not that I am the strongest, or that I can master any of this, or that I am in any way deserving of his confidence – but that I do not live in a world of “I can’t”. Right now, we are all trying to process what is happening in the world and it just so happens that processing emotions is one of my super-powers.
So, here it goes.
All day Saturday and most of Sunday, I allowed myself to feel the heavy grief and fear. Life being cancelled on Sunday due to the snowstorm certainly helped give me the space and time I needed until something could shift inside of me Sunday afternoon. Though, the impetus for that shift came from the most surprising place.
Miguel had booked a corporate keynote speech/performance in Orlando on Tuesday morning and to avoid the ensuing flight cancelations, flew out on Saturday. This meant Jackson and I would be responsible for digging us out of the snow. I knew we could do it, but snow removal was usually something Miguel handled for us. Like mowing the lawn or taking care of the cars, it is something I enjoy not having to think about and also, it feels nice to be taken care of in this way.
I waited to rally Jackson until I heard several of our neighbors revving up their snowblowers. It would take nearly two hours to dig our way out of the house, uncover the car, and find the driveway. This also included several breaks where we had to chase down Sriracha as her Bernese-half lived her best life in the cold and the snow.
Because it snowed through the night, we woke up Monday morning and did it all again. Rarely have I felt so accomplished as I did that day looking at our (mostly) snow-free driveway. There is something so validating about being able to see a job to completion like that. The laundry is never finished, there are always more meals to prepare, plans to make, emails to answer. But this had a clear beginning and an end, and with some sweat and sore muscles to show for it. I don’t want to make it a regular thing, but I actually kind of enjoyed it.
If only enforcing the Constitution was as straight-forward as shoveling a driveway. Three branches of government, 15 executive departments, and 23 million civil employees (including local, state, and federal), says it’s a long way from straight-forward and that is where it can get overwhelming.
But for the sake of this analogy what if we were to take it one shovel-full at a time. One step at a time. You know where I’m going with this right? One INCHSTONE at a time.
The Five Calls app, (an app that helps you call your congresspeople) recorded over 700,000 calls made through the app in the month of January. That doesn’t count people not using the app. And those calls made a difference – as of me writing this it looks like additional funding for the Department of Homeland security is not going to be included in the latest spending bill. Additionally, a reduction of immigration agents in Minnesota has been ordered by Border czar, Tom Homan.
This is nowhere near the end, of course. There are so many innocent lives still in danger, both in their homes and at detention centers across the country. But we are making a dent in this snowstorm and it is important to acknowledge and celebrate our wins no matter how small them may seem.
Saturday night, before I had claimed victory over 16 inches of snow, I messaged Mr. Peterson back.
“My ‘I can’ts’ are always temporary. Today was tough. But I will be back tomorrow,” I typed.
“Of course you will,” he answered.
A few accounts I recommend following and have found helpful this week:
· @bensheehan and @emilyinyourphone: both break down the current legislative issues and provides scripts to use to call your representatives
· @jspark3000: a hospital chaplain with a heart of gold that helps us remember the people behind the headlines.
· Your local branch of the ACLU.
· Your state representatives.
Comment below what accounts you are following that are currently helping you!
ID: Kelly smiling while wearing sunglasses, a brown winter beanie, a pink coat and holding a mail-in ballot in a black and white mittened hand. She is standing on a snowy street in front of a mail-in ballot box.
