They knew better

I didn’t want to write about this; I even had another blog planned. But I can’t escape it: on the news, the internet, or in my own mind. If it’s too much for you right now, I get it, read no further.

It has been nearly 10 years since #MeToo dominated the news cycle. A decade since we addressed the role of power dynamics in SA. Serial assaulters were named and punished, major shifts occurred in workplace culture, and I know I felt like progress was being made. And it was. I’m just not sure we understood how much more work there was to do.

As our social media feeds are once again filled with stories of sexual abuse here is what I hope we take away from it this time:

SOME WOMEN DON'T REPORT BECAUSE THEY DON'T IMMEDIATELY REALIZE THEY WERE ASSAULTED. We teach our children that “no means no”, our teens the importance of verbal consent, but too often we miss the talk on coercion and manipulation. Because of this, it can take women weeks, months, even years, to fully grasp what was done to them.

It took me ten years.

I spent more than 30 minutes turning down my assaulter’s requests and advances before eventually allowing him to hump my leg - which sounds ridiculous, almost comical - but let me assure you, it was not. I determined it was the least invasive act I could get away with as he stood between me and the door with no intention of moving until his needs were met.

It never crossed my mind to report him because a) I wasn’t raped, b) I had allowed him to do this to me, c) he insinuated that he could kill me and get away with if I said anything. But there was no need to threaten me, I was too ashamed to say a word.

It wasn’t until #MeToo hit the airwaves that I understood that shame was not mine to bear, that there is more to SA than rape alone, and that I had in fact been assaulted.

PREPARE FOR THE BACKLASH. As the documents from the Cornell investigation are released, I’ve already seen posts about Jane Doe’s narrative changing from her 2024 report to the 2026. And you know what? I’m not surprised. That doesn’t make her a liar, it means that she has spent time processing her trauma and has a better understanding of what happened to her. She is also no longer apologizing for her actions or excusing the behavior of men she thought were her friends.

This is a sign of her growth and healing – not of deception.

SA CULTURE DOES NOT EXIST IN A VACUUM. Like so many others, the next thing I kept getting hung up on was how many people knew what was going on in that Cornell frat room. 57 to be exact according to the photo of the Snapchat message. Or that at LSU a student athlete, who the university agreed had raped another student, was allowed to return to the football field. But as time went on my surprise was dulled.

Thanks to #MeToo we know how many people were aware, accepted, and covered up the actions of the likes of Weinstein and Toback. It is no coincidence that two supreme court justices, the Secretary of Defense, and the President have all either been accused or convicted of SA. Their victims reported them, sat in court rooms, or even the halls of congress and testified. And still they were sworn in.

Why should we be surprised that 57 young men didn’t try and stop an assault from occurring when millions of Americans are ok with having rapists in power?

THEY KNEW BETTER. I refuse to believe that 20-something year old men, or any man of any age for that matter, has not been taught about consent. That they don’t know if a woman changes her mind, then all actions cease. That yes to one sexual interaction does not mean yes to all. Or that the right thing to do is step in if you are witness to assault occurring.

What this comes down to is respect.

These men do not respect all women and since it seems this fact needs clarifying: all women deserve respect.

Regardless of what they are wearing, how promiscuous they are perceived, the color of their skin, or any other supposedly discerning factor.

I desperately hope that the conversations we’re having, sparked by the events at Cornell and LSU will become yet another watershed moment. But I am not naïve enough to believe that this will be the beginning of the end of widespread sexual assault. That will only occur when sexual assaulters are held accountable for their actions – and that will only happen when women’s lives and futures are valued as much as a man’s.

ID: A bronze statue of LSU’s mascot, a snarling tiger, outside on LSU’s campus surrounded by trees.