The hoping is the trying

Congratulations on surviving another week of 2026. Seriously.

It feels like we are on the precipice of something terrible. As if we are watching a movie and the suspense is building, the camera shots are getting narrower, the music is building to crescendo, AND THEN… the movie just remains in that anxiety-inducing state for days on end.

Somehow, in the middle of all of that, we continue living our lives. This week my understanding of how the world works was flipped on its head when my agent called to let me know that The Luckiest had made the USA Today bestseller list. This list is curated week to week based on the previous week’s sales meaning a book is most likely to make the list in the first couple weeks that it is published.

I’m a competitive person (mostly vs myself), and when The Luckiest didn’t make this list in November, I was devastated. I had made the list once with Normal Broken, so I knew I could. Not making the list felt like a failure. I consoled myself with the reminder that I had still published two books and was still a best-selling author, even if The Luckiest hadn’t done as well as Normal Broken. I also acknowledged that 2021 Kelly, who had been desperate to find an agent, would be thrilled with this outcome. But I am the queen of moving the goal posts on myself.

By December, I had made the decision to leave my disappointment in 2025 and shift my focus elsewhere. The first week of 2026, I set my sights on building and growing the public speaking side of my career. In promoting my speaking I also hope that book sales will follow.

For me, letting go is no small feat. I would rather run my mental and physical health into the ground before admitting defeat – which is usually how I view letting go. But somehow, this time letting go brought around the very validation I had been seeking.

I suppose this could be considered a win for the “if it’s meant to be” crowd. Though I’ve never been fond of that line of thinking since it takes control out of my hands and also falls dangerously close to “everything happens for a reason,” which I firmly believe to be bullshit. So how do I make sense of this inexplicable gift and also determine when to lean in or let go in the future?

My agent told me to stop asking questions – honestly, the best advice - and I’m going to take it… kind of. I’m not going to question how I made the list, but I am still questioning when to give up… I mean let go.

In order to answer that though I need to be specific about what I let go of.

I didn’t let go of my belief that the book was well written and could help some people while inspiring or entertaining others. I didn’t let go of my desire to sell more books or the possibility of writing another book someday. What I did let go of was my disappointment surrounding sales and making a list.

I let go of the power a specific feeling had over me. I let go of a wish.

So, is letting go what finally brought this achievement to me? I am going to answer that with a big fat, no. Because what I still had was hope – though I didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time.

In December I was messaging with my friend, Bud Hager, about how my hope reserve was running low. “But I’m trying,” I told him.

“The trying is the hoping!” He responded. “The function of hope is to change the individual, not the situation, and if it doesn’t break you… you may not be doing it right.”

He then went on to send me a freaking gorgeous essay he was working on at the time for Courageous Parents Network, which is a must read. In the essay he writes:

“We aren’t built on wishes; we’re built on hope. A wish asks, What do you want? Hope answers, This is what I’m doing about it. Hope is not a request, but it is not exactly a response either. It is not up in the stars. It’s down here, in the cold, in the mud made from the sweat and tears of terrified people doing hard things.”

And in case you couldn’t tell where I was going with this, I’m no longer talking about my hopes of making a bestseller list, but the hope I have for the future of our country. It is a tired, tested, and painful kind of hope. But it is hope all the same. Hope that calls me to action, be that through encouraging others with my writing or voting in New Jersey’s special election for a new congressional representative next month.

Hope is what keeps us going every day, it is a form of energy. Do not confuse it with a wish and do not underestimate it. Because there is no force more powerful in the world than hope.

Photo ID: Kelly in a purple sweater and white pants sitting on a stool reading from her book, The Luckiest. She is looking up from the book and smiling.