In my Alysa Liu era

Last weekend was a big deal for the Cervantes family. Jackson performed in his middle school’s performances of the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I delivered a TEDx talk in Boston, we celebrated Anessa’s 7th birthday, and all of this was amidst the backdrop of an epic blizzard. It was very exciting. And exhausting. I’m really tired.

When I was chosen and agreed to the TEDx talk at my alma mater, Northeastern University, I knew that it would be the same weekend as Jackson’s musical. The initial guilt I felt was immense. For nearly all of Jackson’s life, I have been the parent who was always there. At every event, recital, game, and performance – he knew he could find me in the crowd. I was still going to be able to see the show, but not until the final performance on Sunday (which would be postponed to Tuesday thanks to the storm, but I digress).

TEDx events are independently curated days of speakers selected by the events’ local committee to deliver change inspiring talks to a live audience. The talks cannot go beyond 18 minutes, are scripted, fully memorized – no teleprompters or cue cards allowed – and must deliver a new idea.

I’m one of those weird people who really enjoys public speaking. It feeds my love of performance while also helping people. So, several years ago, I began researching different locations that hosted these events, but I was up to my eyeballs in writing books, or the timing wasn’t right, and then came the cancer diagnosis. Finally, the stars aligned, I applied and was accepted by Northeastern’s student led committee last fall.

While marketing The Luckiest and going on book tour, I was actively writing and editing my speech with my student speech coach. A brilliant undergrad, Hope Hsieh, who challenged me, and fine-tuned my talk into the pointed speech I ultimately delivered. Then in January the memorization began.

I have delivered keynote speeches in the past for non-profits, at galas, and for various corporations. Some of them went as long as an hour, but none of them were memorized verbatim. Sure, I had bullet points in my head, an outline, and different anecdotes I wanted to share. For many of them I also had slides that helped keep me on track. Still, memorizing a 16-minute speech word for word from a script, (that yes, I wrote, but still) was much harder than I anticipated. Though to be fair, even when I was acting, memorization was never my strong suit.

Those who know me, are well aware of how much pressure I can put on myself to succeed… and how often I change the definition of what success looks like. Between having to miss Jackson’s show for this talk and my general knack for moving my own goal posts, it should come as no surprise how desperately I wanted this talk to be perfect. But then something happened a few days before I was to board the plane to Boston: I watched Alysa Liu’s gold medal winning ice-skating performance.

I don’t think I was alone in wondering who the alternative-styled ice skater was with the horizontally striped hair. On appearances alone, she did not fit the perfectly poised ice skater mold we are accustomed to seeing. Then to learn that she had retired from the sport at age 16 due to burnout. Only to return a year later, but on her terms. No dieting, she chose her costumes, and skating no longer ruled her life.

At age 20, she took to the Olympic ice as herself, not as someone’s interpretation of what an ice skater should be. Watching her skate you could see how much fun she was having, how free she felt. And when it was over, her confidence in her performance, her knowledge that she had done her best and enjoyed herself as she was doing it, was intoxicating. Before it was even determined that she had won gold, I knew I needed to channel Alysa’s energy for my TEDx talk.

So we’re clear, under no circumstances do I believe that preparing to give a memorized speech is anything like what it takes to prepare for the Olympics. That’s not my point here. My point is that she had prepared, she trusted in herself, channeled her confidence, and then when it came time to perform, she enjoyed herself. THAT was the energy I wanted to take with me to Boston – and perhaps every time I take a stage from here on out.

That the topic of my speech was “Welcome to the Grief Olympics” was also kind of perfect. All that to say that not only did I nail my talk, but I actually enjoyed myself while I was up on stage. I knew the words and the one time I forgot the proper order of said words I knew how to find other words to still get my point across. I was confident and confidence feels so freaking good.

I returned home exhausted but happy (and maybe a smidge hungover from the bubbly Miguel had sent to my hotel room). AND I was still able to celebrate Anessa’s birthday and catch Jackson’s brilliant performance (check my social media for a video!). I’ve officially decided that I’m in my Alysa Liu era (are era’s over? Is that dated? I don’t think I care…). From here on out, I prepare on my terms because I love what I do and then perform with confidence and joy – as I should have been doing all along.

P.S. I promise to share the video from the TEDx as soon as it is posted on YouTube.

ID: Kelly standing on a red dot in front of a black screen and the words “TEDx Northeastern”. She is wearing coral pants and a pale coral top with her arms outstretched to her side. People in the audience can be seen in the foreground.